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If you’ve played the original Final Fight as the female character you’ve pretty much played Charlie’s Angels for GameCube. Only differences between the titles are that the story revolves around a group stealing all of the world’s major monuments. The Arch de Triumph, The Lincoln Memorial, Stonehenge, and now The Statue of Liberty. Of course Charlie calls in his normally beautiful Angels... but wait... something’s wrong here. Aren’t the Angels supposed to be beautiful and deadly? All I see are three amorphous blobs which only vaguely resemble female bodies making stupidly repetitious movements for hours on end. The hair looks like colored spaghetti, movements are jerky and spastic, facial features are blocky and barely recognizable even in the cinemas, and worst of all the breasts look like pyramids and the asses have almost no definition.

Enough about that for now though, let’s get on to what the game looks like. You control one Angel at a time and can cycle through the lot of them as long as you are not threatened. The environments are horribly done looking like someone took them from a Super Nintendo game and polished them up a little (and I do specify A LITTLE). Players sally forth as one Angel or another stopping because of some invisible wall every once in a while to deal with between one and nine enemies at a time with very limited moves. During the fights an object or two might be in the area that is able to be manipulated by being picked up and thrown (all one action as they cannot be carried) or simply kicked. These are very obvious as they are brightly coloured instead of the colour of the bland background objects. Weapons are quite often offered to the Angels (usually thrown by an enemy) and are useable in fights and interspersed throughout the levels are health items and bonus items unlocking cinemas and trailers.

While the soundtrack boasts a few songs from the soundtracks of the movies, during gameplay the sounds most noticeable are those made by the Angels when they are struck. The single grunt or moan each Angel makes got on my nerves very quickly, especially Natalie’s. Other than the grunts and moans from getting hit, the sound isn’t much at all. Occasionally an enemy will let out a groan when you hit him/her hard and after dispatching a large number of enemies the Angel will expel some once-charming but now-lame one liner such as, “Now THAT’s kicking your ass!” and “Crouching Tiger THIS!”

The levels are very linear with no modification or choices to be made. Mad button pushing and disgustingly short combos are how you get anywhere in this game since the AI is laughable. My wife, never one to be very good at video games besides Mario Kart beat the game on Easy in just under five hours, I believe. Obviously, challenging this game is not. One redeeming factor of the game is after leaving the Angels to stand still for a while they will begin exhibiting a nervous habit or just begin acting silly. My favorite is Natalie’s famous white-girl-booty-dance. I’ve found the most challenging parts of this game to be believing it’s running on a GameCube rather than a Super Nintendo and where to hide it when friends come over so they don’t laugh at my stupidity in possessing such an awful game.

In a post note, I’d like to ask a question for general thought: there are instances where people in bikinis, roadway workers, French maids, butlers, and Chinese militaries are attacking the Angels. Why is this? There’s nothing explaining that bikini models are jealous of Natalie’s ass shaking. Nothing stating that all the construction workers want is a piece of Natalie’s shaking ass. Nothing about the French maids and butlers being pissed off about Dylan stealing away their masters/lovers. Nothing even about the Chinese thinking Alex is a national treasure. If anyone's got an explanation, please post... This is some wierd stuff.