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Ohh, I know I just burned a bridge there, but I don’t care. : ) Kakuto Chojin was a demo that was meant to originally “show off” the power of the Xbox. Microsoft must have owed Dream Factory (the Developers) a favor or something, because I don’t understand why Microsoft would publish this game. Oh wait, yes, I remember.. Money. Come on Microsoft – you guys can do a lot better than this, I’ve seen first hand, I know so! Everyone makes mistakes, I guess.

Kakuto Chojin is an interesting name. I think it translates to “much tout, no substance”. In this fighting game, you’ll play one of a dozen characters through a series of fight, to prove who’s manlier (or womanlier) – you or the game. There are a few ways to play Kakuto Chojin. The first, and I use this term loosely, is “Story” mode. In Story mode, you’ll pick one of the 12 fighters. You’ll battle against each of the other fighters and the cliché’ big boss end guy. During each fight, I guess is where the “Story” occurs. The one or two lines of text commentary’ll fascinate you as you prepare for the next fight. After you beat all 12 opponents you are rewarded with an Academy Award worthy line of text or two, along with an epic sequence of scrolling credits. Completing the game will unlock a single hidden character and a new set of moves – definitely the highlight for me…The new set of moves are just as boring and generic as the previous and is barely a reason to play through the game a second time just to see the new moves. (The name of the game actually represents the two fighting styles you are able to choose from in the game)

The arenas are bland. To me, a lot of them looked far too similar. There isn’t much scenery to gawk at. This is good because it lets you concentrate on repeating the cheap, yet usually simple combination of moves required to defeat the AI fighters. Each fighter’s repertoire of attacks consists of high, mid and low attacks combined with a couple of throws and a counter. You also have a power meter that builds up and lets you unleash a sort of super move by pressing each of the three attack buttons. The attacks are easy to pull off and require little more than an 8 year old’s button-mashing skills. This game takes the championship crown away from Tekken as far as button mashing goes - something I thought not previously possible. The moves themselves actually do look cool and remind me of realistic, yet slightly sped up motion-captured moves. Idle animations of each fighter are pretty suave too. Combo’s do exist but not as you may know them in Mortal Kombat or Virtua Fighter. The combo’s are simple, short and seem very effective, especially against the AI as the fights don’t seem to last very long. Going on a mad offensive, repeating a couple combos will usually lead to victory. After the first 6 or so matches, the AI opponents actually start to block a little bit, so you simply switch your combo’s around from high, mid or low to throws. Wash, rinse, and repeat to finish the game in the time it takes to bake a Juno’s Party Pizza.

The other game modes include Practice Mode, Versus, Battle Royal and Capture the Crown. Practice mode lets you try out the moves and check out the characters – pretty typically of any fighting game now days. Survival mode is basically a see how long you can last battle. Battle Royal pits you against three other players in an all out brawl…computer or human. This is one of the few redeeming factors of this game. Playing against three of your friends, even with this game, is always fun especially when it’s every man for himself. Capture the Crown is a flawed attempt at a semi-original idea. Whoever is wearing the crown at the end of the fight is the victor, NOT who actually wore it the LONGEST, but only who is wearing at when the timer ends… d’oh? The one good thing I hear about this game are the graphics. I don’t agree. While this may have been a technical demo to show off the Xbox’s capabilities a year ago, I think better, more advanced graphics are easily spotted in games released even a year ago, such as Dead or Alive 3. Sure, some of the lighting effects are nifty and a few of the details are eye catching, but the fighters look too shiny and the overall graphic quality looks fuzzy to me, a lot like a PS2 game (*ducks the incoming rotten vegetation*). They graphics in the actual game definitely don’t do the screen shots justice – they’re much worse if you ask me… and don’t even get me started on the sound effects, Jesus Christ! There’s this annoying smacking sound when you punch or kick that makes you feel like beating your ears with your fists like a mentally insane person having a fit might do. It reminds me of the sound effects for the original Street Fighter game on the NES. So there are a FEW good effects and the frame rate is steady, but that’s all it has going for it in this department.

If you have a free 1-day game rental at Blockbuster Video, that you’ve had in your wallet for a few months but never gotten around to using, Kakuto Chojin is almost worth the drive to the rental store to use it. If you’ve never played a fighting game before, then Kakuto Chojin may be a good title to rent to warm you up to what a real fighting game could be like. Just go heeding the advice of this review and you may not be disappointed. Experienced fight champs should stick to Tekken, Virtua Fighter, Mortal Kombat and Dead or Alive. You may be wasting your time if you buy this game thinking it may be actually good, but hopefully my sarcastic review at least amused you a bit and will make for it in the long run.